MarshallStreet
Jun 26 2008, 08:36 PM
Let's say you just ran a non-PDGA event, but are, obviously cause you HAVE to be to post here, a...hold on a minute I'm trying to muster the deep hypocrisy needed to type this, and ever since they severed my corpus colossus my hands don't want to go there, but, yes I, too, am, with tremendously mixed and -- let's admit it -- confused thoughts about what the best thing to do would be...
I'll just say it: I'm a PDGA member. But hold the pride parade.
What would be the best thing for the PDGA to do? Let's keep it singular. Whatever the best answer is should be the first sentence of the PDGA�s new mission statement. (Don�t cut and paste the current bulleted list masquerading as the PDGA�s current mission statement, which, typically, refers to a graph.)
O�my�God.
Omygod.
Please cut my head off right now, and throw it in the trash but wrap in plastic first please. Wait.
How about, as the first line:
The PDGA welcomes everyone.
It's maybe overreaching but why not? And for a second sentence:
We are blind to gender, race, age, religion, sexual orientation, political leanings, and playing ability.
The committee can tinker with the second sentence. Then the third, which will most likely be the penultimate first-paragraph sentence:
Our sole reason for existing is to promote disc golf around the globe.
This sentence, like many third sentences in first paragraphs, is the core of what you�re saying.
And the finish, which leads into the second paragraph:
We�ll show you how to play if you show us your breasts�which Kelley shot down instantly but I dunno, it�s a pretty good attention grabber just to make sure people aren�t fake reading. So okay, maybe a better final first-paragraph sentence.
Somewhere in the second paragraph, which will be six or seven sentences long, we have to include the brilliant �because throwing a golf disc with power and accuracy is a marvelous sensation.� It�s one of the best disc golf sentences ever; it HAS to go in. This paragraph covers as best it can with limited words the philosophy of disc golf, including environmentalism, fitness, and family fun. Sorry but �family� must be included. So you have to master the art of the one-hitter while peeing? There are worse intrusions.
Then at least one paragraph about the PDGA�s contributions, listing all the important stuff: course directory, rules, website, sanctioning, comprehensive member ratings and round ratings, course ratings, and funding for trips to Japan and Sweden. People say I�m not funny. I�m so freaking funny it�s ridiculous.
Finally, we finish with a flourish with a perfect, brisk, inspirational three- or four-sentence paragraph that totally commits the PDGA to helping the sport wherever, whenever and however it can (this line also buys the current leaders the latitude they�ll need put the strip club tab on the PDGA expense account, merged and therefore buried within �Traveling Expenses�), and you�re done. You�ve got a mission statement.
Or you could keep your really dumb bulleted list that goes together with another graph matrix thing, that you have to keep turning to read, and put up with my complaining about how stoopid the PDGA�s mission statement is, and that you�re all enormous goofballs for not having a constitution or a mission statement, and therefore having an organization that promotes not only disc golf, but semi-literacy.
How about you guys hire me to rewrite everything except the rules. The rules are actually good, in case anyone noticed. I�m talking about rewriting everything that needs to be rewritten, combining documents for more clarity and transparency, and putting everything up on the website.
Is anyone right now supposed to be writing the PDGA�s new constitution or mission statement? I could do it. I was a German to English translator for 20 years, so I'm good at putting stick-way-up-your-but writing into real English.
You guys may not realize it but every organization nowadays defines itself in writing. From how it does stuff to who's in charge of which tasks and projects to what you're all about.
Maybe it's already there. Wait, no, I looked. It's scattered everywhere. It's not organized well enough for me to understand as a whole. It's not accessible.
Why don't people listen to me? Can't they see I'm one of the last few people who knows how to use a semi-colon correctly?
I'll just say it: I'm a PDGA member. But hold the pride parade.
What would be the best thing for the PDGA to do? Let's keep it singular. Whatever the best answer is should be the first sentence of the PDGA�s new mission statement. (Don�t cut and paste the current bulleted list masquerading as the PDGA�s current mission statement, which, typically, refers to a graph.)
O�my�God.
Omygod.
Please cut my head off right now, and throw it in the trash but wrap in plastic first please. Wait.
How about, as the first line:
The PDGA welcomes everyone.
It's maybe overreaching but why not? And for a second sentence:
We are blind to gender, race, age, religion, sexual orientation, political leanings, and playing ability.
The committee can tinker with the second sentence. Then the third, which will most likely be the penultimate first-paragraph sentence:
Our sole reason for existing is to promote disc golf around the globe.
This sentence, like many third sentences in first paragraphs, is the core of what you�re saying.
And the finish, which leads into the second paragraph:
We�ll show you how to play if you show us your breasts�which Kelley shot down instantly but I dunno, it�s a pretty good attention grabber just to make sure people aren�t fake reading. So okay, maybe a better final first-paragraph sentence.
Somewhere in the second paragraph, which will be six or seven sentences long, we have to include the brilliant �because throwing a golf disc with power and accuracy is a marvelous sensation.� It�s one of the best disc golf sentences ever; it HAS to go in. This paragraph covers as best it can with limited words the philosophy of disc golf, including environmentalism, fitness, and family fun. Sorry but �family� must be included. So you have to master the art of the one-hitter while peeing? There are worse intrusions.
Then at least one paragraph about the PDGA�s contributions, listing all the important stuff: course directory, rules, website, sanctioning, comprehensive member ratings and round ratings, course ratings, and funding for trips to Japan and Sweden. People say I�m not funny. I�m so freaking funny it�s ridiculous.
Finally, we finish with a flourish with a perfect, brisk, inspirational three- or four-sentence paragraph that totally commits the PDGA to helping the sport wherever, whenever and however it can (this line also buys the current leaders the latitude they�ll need put the strip club tab on the PDGA expense account, merged and therefore buried within �Traveling Expenses�), and you�re done. You�ve got a mission statement.
Or you could keep your really dumb bulleted list that goes together with another graph matrix thing, that you have to keep turning to read, and put up with my complaining about how stoopid the PDGA�s mission statement is, and that you�re all enormous goofballs for not having a constitution or a mission statement, and therefore having an organization that promotes not only disc golf, but semi-literacy.
How about you guys hire me to rewrite everything except the rules. The rules are actually good, in case anyone noticed. I�m talking about rewriting everything that needs to be rewritten, combining documents for more clarity and transparency, and putting everything up on the website.
Is anyone right now supposed to be writing the PDGA�s new constitution or mission statement? I could do it. I was a German to English translator for 20 years, so I'm good at putting stick-way-up-your-but writing into real English.
You guys may not realize it but every organization nowadays defines itself in writing. From how it does stuff to who's in charge of which tasks and projects to what you're all about.
Maybe it's already there. Wait, no, I looked. It's scattered everywhere. It's not organized well enough for me to understand as a whole. It's not accessible.
Why don't people listen to me? Can't they see I'm one of the last few people who knows how to use a semi-colon correctly?