Let's say you just ran a non-PDGA event, but are, obviously cause you HAVE to be to post here, a...hold on a minute I'm trying to muster the deep hypocrisy needed to type this, and ever since they severed my corpus colossus my hands don't want to go there, but, yes I, too, am, with tremendously mixed and -- let's admit it -- confused thoughts about what the best thing to do would be...

I'll just say it: I'm a PDGA member. But hold the pride parade.

What would be the best thing for the PDGA to do? Let's keep it singular. Whatever the best answer is should be the first sentence of the PDGA�s new mission statement. (Don�t cut and paste the current bulleted list masquerading as the PDGA�s current mission statement, which, typically, refers to a graph.)

O�my�God.

Omygod.

Please cut my head off right now, and throw it in the trash but wrap in plastic first please. Wait.

How about, as the first line:

The PDGA welcomes everyone.

It's maybe overreaching but why not? And for a second sentence:

We are blind to gender, race, age, religion, sexual orientation, political leanings, and playing ability.

The committee can tinker with the second sentence. Then the third, which will most likely be the penultimate first-paragraph sentence:

Our sole reason for existing is to promote disc golf around the globe.

This sentence, like many third sentences in first paragraphs, is the core of what you�re saying.

And the finish, which leads into the second paragraph:

We�ll show you how to play if you show us your breasts�which Kelley shot down instantly but I dunno, it�s a pretty good attention grabber just to make sure people aren�t fake reading. So okay, maybe a better final first-paragraph sentence.

Somewhere in the second paragraph, which will be six or seven sentences long, we have to include the brilliant �because throwing a golf disc with power and accuracy is a marvelous sensation.� It�s one of the best disc golf sentences ever; it HAS to go in. This paragraph covers as best it can with limited words the philosophy of disc golf, including environmentalism, fitness, and family fun. Sorry but �family� must be included. So you have to master the art of the one-hitter while peeing? There are worse intrusions.

Then at least one paragraph about the PDGA�s contributions, listing all the important stuff: course directory, rules, website, sanctioning, comprehensive member ratings and round ratings, course ratings, and funding for trips to Japan and Sweden. People say I�m not funny. I�m so freaking funny it�s ridiculous.

Finally, we finish with a flourish with a perfect, brisk, inspirational three- or four-sentence paragraph that totally commits the PDGA to helping the sport wherever, whenever and however it can (this line also buys the current leaders the latitude they�ll need put the strip club tab on the PDGA expense account, merged and therefore buried within �Traveling Expenses�), and you�re done. You�ve got a mission statement.

Or you could keep your really dumb bulleted list that goes together with another graph matrix thing, that you have to keep turning to read, and put up with my complaining about how stoopid the PDGA�s mission statement is, and that you�re all enormous goofballs for not having a constitution or a mission statement, and therefore having an organization that promotes not only disc golf, but semi-literacy.

How about you guys hire me to rewrite everything except the rules. The rules are actually good, in case anyone noticed. I�m talking about rewriting everything that needs to be rewritten, combining documents for more clarity and transparency, and putting everything up on the website.

Is anyone right now supposed to be writing the PDGA�s new constitution or mission statement? I could do it. I was a German to English translator for 20 years, so I'm good at putting stick-way-up-your-but writing into real English.

You guys may not realize it but every organization nowadays defines itself in writing. From how it does stuff to who's in charge of which tasks and projects to what you're all about.

Maybe it's already there. Wait, no, I looked. It's scattered everywhere. It's not organized well enough for me to understand as a whole. It's not accessible.

Why don't people listen to me? Can't they see I'm one of the last few people who knows how to use a semi-colon correctly?

I have proposed the following initial mission statement which has been my reference for 20 years: "Making the sport of disc golf better." 7 words. Pretty much covers it all. The rest of it would just describe the What, Who, How and Why.

How about, Making disc golf as good as free beer?

Okay maybe it's not mainstream enough. Where we going with this Chuck? We taking our two-man show on the road here or what? I can see it now...You're the really really really boring guy -- like Bill Moyers boring -- who nevertheless has all the answers, is informative, helpful, and once in a while insightful though often a complete thread killer.

I'll be the fun guy who drinks beer, speaks solely in non sequiturs, and nevertheless has the best conversations with buzzed women about lesbianism at the picnic table by the DDC court. You know, that center of the universe where nothing could possibly be better. In psychology it's known as homeostasis. On Marshall St. it's called woohoo.

It'll be like George Bush and Bill Clinton touring together for Unicef. We can have town hall meetings and argue the various merits of rubber tee pads vs concrete, Discraft vs. Innova vs. Gateway vs. Lightning vs. all the others.

We could make it a chess match of questions.

Of course the proceeds, like Bill Clinton's speaking income, would go to the very best disc golf charities. And people would give us, like, 12 dollars worth of beer, and that's just me. We could make them pay us 100 bucks every single time we put on our show.

We could branch from schools and corporate outings to half time shows at college football games to our very own frisbee night, always the Yang vs the Yin. We could hyperbolize out oppositeness, and I could teach you to feel things as a human.

As for you teaching me? Well, no need I'm connected to the Internet already. Your opinions about things are mostly wrong in some unsaid sense, and your facts are merely facts, unless you're sticking up for the PDGA in which case you are the consummate company man.

Let's take it on the road Chuck. First we hype it here. You do understand the word "hype," right? You do see its value don't you?

Tell you my real fantasy Chuck. My biggest disc golf fantasy ever. Traveling around making courses, with a crew of six insane workers, three chainsaws, a large chipper, and a splitter. Four wheel drive pickup truck.

Going from town to town across the US making courses like Dave Enman makes courses, chipping it all back into the fairway. Spending a couple months in each town, getting to know the locals, the local bars. Living it, breathing it.

Some people have an overactive frisbee gene, like you can't ever quite breathe it deeply enough.

Traveling disc golf course creators. Man, if I could fund it so many people would be waiting in line to sign up. There would be no problem hyping such an adventure. Chipper, splitter, chainsaws, hand tools, ATV with dump body, two pickup trucks. Six guys.

Give me ten years to get my affairs in order. Wait, let's go now. Wait!

Jason, you feeling alright? I have to say, I loved reading it!

Tell you my real fantasy Chuck. My biggest disc golf fantasy ever. Traveling around making courses, with a crew of six insane workers, three chainsaws, a large chipper, and a splitter. Four wheel drive pickup truck.





Jason, I'm inviting you to come visit my part of Disc Golf Heaven. You may totally rethink your views on course design when you see the park I get to play Disc Golf in every day. I've visited (and lived in when I was younger) the Eastern part of the USA, and there's no doubt there is a BIG difference in the landscapes. In my part of Disc Golf Heaven, we don't need chainsaws. In fact, cutting a tree around here entails asking the Mayor for permission. We form "Pink Belly" squads when we hear about someone cutting the trees on our course. The 4X4 would come in handy though when we need to go get more beer. The splitter could be used for holding bottle rockets before launching, but save some room and leave the chainsaws at home. But seriously, come visit. I've got room to put you up for a few days, and we've got a pretty good beer store nearby.

Where do I sign up to be one of the 6 insane guys in the truck?

Where do I sign up to be one of the 6 insane guys in the truck?



Me too! I have all internet classes and no job. I assume you guys will make a stop in Kalamazoo? :D

Come on J,

4 loaded paragraphs for a mission statement? I'm disappointed... that's what you get for working at home for all those years...

Take all those luscious ideas and think demi-glaze... Reduction, baby. By more than half, even.

Think Keats, Shelley -- boil it down.

Poetry is 90% revision, as you know.



"Live like no one is watching and mezmerize those who are"

" On a Mission" ????

Most people just go to a poor South American country. Wouldn't that be a lot easier? /msgboard/images/graemlins/smirk.gif

getting the chainsaws and chipper past security might be tough...

Gotta say Jason is my favorite poster. Might not agree with everything that he says, but it's always interesting!

Oh ye verbose one,

Got to agree with Mahcus - 4 paragraphs of mission statement is WAY too much - even though his spelling isn't the greatest.

Mission statements are a slippery slope. If they're too short, someone shouts out "Is that all there is? I'm not satisfied yet!". If they're too long, someone moans "Oh get it over with already" or is thinking "Gawd, when will the drivel (or is it dribble) ever end?". If we HAVE to have one, it should be the delicate balance of just enough substainance to actually say something worth while yet be short enough to hold the person's attention and not lose them with too many thoughts. Sort of like an ice cream sundae with one topping; just enough added to make it interesting but not so much as to confuse the eater.

Karl

I enjoyed the 2 posts so much last night that i actually prayed that Jason would have added to it by the morn. How ingenious is this man? How ingenious is this line?
So you have to master the art of the one-hitter while peeing?

I have to second that, Jason is one funny guy!

I am not for bashing the PDGA in any way, but holy moly he is funny.

Gotta say Jason is my favorite poster. Might not agree with everything that he says, but it's always interesting!


Kind of like reading Mad magazine versus USA Today. Rooting for the white spy or the black spy?

Rooting for the white spy or the black spy?



which one are you? :p

Neither. Those are both Jason depending on the day. I'm found in USA Today with the charts and graphs.

thought you would say that...

from jason's comment earlier about the 2 man show... i can help but think of the conversation every day...

Jason - Gee Chuck what do you want to do today?
Chuck - Same thing we do everyday, Jason, try to takeover the WORLD!
Jason - Narf!
Jason - Zort!
Jason - Poit!
Jason - Sjur!
Jason - Gonk!
Jason - Bard!

the PDGAs newest celebrity couple... we'll call you Chuckwick or maybe Chason Southkennedy (but thats not until after the tour makes its stop in California ;)

seriously though (well still not very serious)... hilarious stuff Jason

How about, Making disc golf as good as free beer?


Disc golf is GREAT, but only a handful of tournaments are as good as free beer.

The ones with free beer. :D

should our mission statement be DG specific? advance the interests of disc golf

or should it be ultra-general? make life better

many examples exist for both approaches. i kinda like the more general, i think.


the value statement is the meat. it tells us how we'll behave while on our mission.

equal opportunities for all
copius communication
fanatical openness and disclosure
no idea is a bad idea
committment to the environment and sustainable land use
unwavering loyalty to excellance
disregard the average - set the new standard