Jul 31 2005, 10:15 PM
My dear friends: I hope you don�t mind but after a harrowing event the other day, I felt it would do me a world of good to unburden myself to all the kind and wonderful chaps and ladies that make up this beautiful online community we share.
The other day whilst out with members of my foursome at a course we typically frequent as much for the attributes of the course itself as for the public restrooms that line the park, I put an errant drive into the deep rough. While searching for my driver, I found myself confronted by a gang of young ruffians! These young fellows � seeing that they had the upper hand � began to first taunt me and then things quickly took a turn for the worst from there.
To wit: They stripped me of my customized crocheted disc bag which I had worked feverishly on during my recent convalescence so that it would be ready for the day of my return to these fields of glory we call disc golf. They then took turns mocking me and then stripping me bare of a lovely halter top I had commissioned for me by a wonderful seamstress from the Ukraine, followed by my pair of customized bicycle shorts which provide both stiff support for my hamstring muscles which I believe are key to my patented Crouching Feline Throwing Style and which also accentuate the sinewy muscle structure of my upper thighs, as well as my protective headgear, sandals and thigh high stockings which I have long felt were key to avoiding post match leg muscle cramping. At the point in time when these hooligans had stripped me down to a thong I had received from a friend with whom I had taken a Caribbean cruise in 1998, they finished off their dastardly deed by taping me to a maple tree from head to toe. Now I enjoy bondage as much as the next guy but without a �safe word� between myself and these ruffians, you can imagine my terror at what might have come next, when fortunately a viscous lightening storm hit the immediate vicinity sending this band of weasels running! Unfortunately, however, with the tape that now encircled me and kept me pinned to the tree, I was forced to spend the better part of the night and next morning in that position until a park grounds person happened upon me and was able to extricate me with a pair of hedge shears�While he worked with great care at freeing me from the tree, I declined his offer to cut away the tape from my lower abdomen region with the same pair of shears!
Now while I was devastated to lose the crocheted disc bag I had customized with an embroidered patch of myself in the Crouching Feline Throwing Position, here�s where the story � I hope � takes a turn for the better: While filing a police report with a fresh faced and beautifully sculpted police officer we struck up a wonderful conversation about a common interest we shared in rehabilitating Danish furniture from the early 1800�s: To my delight, the officer wrapped me in a blanket from the police cruiser�s trunk and escorted me home. So as not to seem too forward or in any way trying to turn my misfortune into a lame entr�e to a date, I played it cool but between all of you disc golf friends, me and the lamppost, I am keeping my fingers crossed that that officer will use the phone number I supplied in the report to call me for a cup of coffee where we can get to know each other ASAP! Who knows? Maybe this wretched event will lead me towards converting another upstanding citizen into an avid disc golfer? Wouldn�t that be wonderful? Thanks all for letting me share my story. I know each of you is sending me hugs and I�m returning that love with hugs of my own. I�m starting to feel better (and safer) already! In case some of you are concerned, fortunately I use a depilatory cream over my entire body sans head so the tape didn�t do any long term damage! Thank God for small favors!
The other day whilst out with members of my foursome at a course we typically frequent as much for the attributes of the course itself as for the public restrooms that line the park, I put an errant drive into the deep rough. While searching for my driver, I found myself confronted by a gang of young ruffians! These young fellows � seeing that they had the upper hand � began to first taunt me and then things quickly took a turn for the worst from there.
To wit: They stripped me of my customized crocheted disc bag which I had worked feverishly on during my recent convalescence so that it would be ready for the day of my return to these fields of glory we call disc golf. They then took turns mocking me and then stripping me bare of a lovely halter top I had commissioned for me by a wonderful seamstress from the Ukraine, followed by my pair of customized bicycle shorts which provide both stiff support for my hamstring muscles which I believe are key to my patented Crouching Feline Throwing Style and which also accentuate the sinewy muscle structure of my upper thighs, as well as my protective headgear, sandals and thigh high stockings which I have long felt were key to avoiding post match leg muscle cramping. At the point in time when these hooligans had stripped me down to a thong I had received from a friend with whom I had taken a Caribbean cruise in 1998, they finished off their dastardly deed by taping me to a maple tree from head to toe. Now I enjoy bondage as much as the next guy but without a �safe word� between myself and these ruffians, you can imagine my terror at what might have come next, when fortunately a viscous lightening storm hit the immediate vicinity sending this band of weasels running! Unfortunately, however, with the tape that now encircled me and kept me pinned to the tree, I was forced to spend the better part of the night and next morning in that position until a park grounds person happened upon me and was able to extricate me with a pair of hedge shears�While he worked with great care at freeing me from the tree, I declined his offer to cut away the tape from my lower abdomen region with the same pair of shears!
Now while I was devastated to lose the crocheted disc bag I had customized with an embroidered patch of myself in the Crouching Feline Throwing Position, here�s where the story � I hope � takes a turn for the better: While filing a police report with a fresh faced and beautifully sculpted police officer we struck up a wonderful conversation about a common interest we shared in rehabilitating Danish furniture from the early 1800�s: To my delight, the officer wrapped me in a blanket from the police cruiser�s trunk and escorted me home. So as not to seem too forward or in any way trying to turn my misfortune into a lame entr�e to a date, I played it cool but between all of you disc golf friends, me and the lamppost, I am keeping my fingers crossed that that officer will use the phone number I supplied in the report to call me for a cup of coffee where we can get to know each other ASAP! Who knows? Maybe this wretched event will lead me towards converting another upstanding citizen into an avid disc golfer? Wouldn�t that be wonderful? Thanks all for letting me share my story. I know each of you is sending me hugs and I�m returning that love with hugs of my own. I�m starting to feel better (and safer) already! In case some of you are concerned, fortunately I use a depilatory cream over my entire body sans head so the tape didn�t do any long term damage! Thank God for small favors!